I have started half a dozen blog posts, but they are all unfinished. I guess you could say writer's block? Can you get writer's block when you're not even a writer to begin with? Sometimes it makes me laugh that I have a blog because as you have probably figured out, I am no writer. And my grammar is terrible. I probably put commas in all the wrong places, use the wrong kind of to/too more often than not, and so on. But nonetheless, I have a blog. Anyway..
I don't know what the point was of that paragraph! I'm just rambling...that's what I do. Another reason it's funny that I have a blog. I tend to ramble. But now I am going to put an end to that and get on with the whole reason I am writing this blog post.
It's a new year as you all know...or at least I hope you do... and I have been pondering what my "word" or "theme" for the year should be. Now, I know that this is usually done before the new year begins, but friends...I am a little slow. I am starting the year behind...not exactly the best way to start but I am determined to turn that around and be on top of things! Which brings me to my word that the Lord keeps giving me to focus on this year..... intentional.
When people ask me how I'm doing, I find myself always responding, "I'm good, just busy." Every. Single. Time. I always feel behind. I feel overwhelmed. I feel so unorganized. And when I try to get organized, I get frustrated because I don't have a whole lot of room to get organized. And by that I mean, I am living back home in a very small room, and somehow while living in Topeka I managed to accumulate a lot of stuff. It's a task trying to find a place for everything.
I start out each day with the best of intentions to be productive and check things off my list of to-do's, but I feel as though each day passes and more things have only been added to the list than are taken off the list. And have you ever reached the point of having so much to do that you don't know where to even begin? Then you get discouraged and the day passes and you did nothing productive? Welcome to my life.
The days are quickly slipping away from me, one after the other. Before I know it a week has passed and then another. I am learning just how precious our short time here on Earth is. It's only but a second compared to eternity. And I don't want all of my days to go by wasted one after another. The thing is, time isn't going to get any slower. My life is always going to be busy. There will always be things happening. If anything, my life will only get busier and time will go quicker the older I get. That's what I hear anyway. Kind of frightening because it's already flying by!
So it's time to take control and be intentional with my time.
This year I want to focus on how and what I fill my time with.
-More Jesus time. That is my priority this year. Jesus. I want more of Jesus. Spending more quiet time in prayer with Him and getting into the Word every single day. I wish I could tell you I already did this, but I would be lying if I said I read the Bible every day. But, it's not even about reading my Bible every day just to read my Bible and say that I did it. I want to spend time in the Word studying it, reading it, praying it, memorizing it, and most importantly....living it out.
-Less me time. God is showing me how selfish I am with my time. I'm not saying it's bad to have "me time". It's a good thing, but it can quickly become a problem. Part of it, for me anyway, is laziness. I am just lazy sometimes. Sometimes -okay fine...way too often- I make deals with myself, "I'm going to watch this show now, and then I will do whatever it is I'm putting off. And then when then comes, something else has come up. And then it's time to go to sleep. Am I the only one who does this? Something tells me that I'm not, but maybe so. Either way, it's a problem and I need to stop. There will be days when I don't want to do anything, but I need to do it anyway. If I don't...I will never accomplish anything. I need to find a schedule that works for me and work on my time-management skills. But I need to STICK WITH IT! (That should also be another theme for this year...being intentional and sticking with the things that I commit too!)
-This goes along with what I said above, but I am giving it it's own spot. I will read the Bible in a year. I am determined to do it. I realize you have heard those words before though, unfortunately. I would say this time is going to be different, but I have said that before too. So if you could pray for me, that this be something that I can be intentional with and follow through on that would be great. Thanks! I really really want to do it...to read the whole Bible. I have read quite a bit of it, but there are some books in the Old Testament that I have only read bits and pieces of. I pray that come this time next year I can honestly say, I have read the entire Bible, every word, front to back. Also...memorizing scripture. This is something I used to do but fell away from it. I definitely want to get back into the habit of doing that!
-Friendships/Relationships. I am always hesitant to put relationships because I don't mean just a relationship with a significant other. And not that I have one of those to work on/worry about anyway, but you just never know what could happen this year I suppose! But that is besides the point. I am going to stop myself now before I ramble anymore. So being intentional in relationships that I have. I have learned that friendships don't exactly happen on there own. You have to be in communication with the other person. This goes for friends, brothers, sisters, significant others, husbands, wives, children, cousins and on and on. If there is no communication, the relationship fades away. Not that you forget about that person or stop caring about them, but you just go your separate ways I guess. You become "acquaintances". All of this to say, it takes effort to keep a relationship healthy. In moving back to Chanute, I left an amazing group of friends, people who I plan to be friends with for the rest of my life. I have learned that as I get "busy" it's easy for time to pass by and before I know it, a week went by and I didn't attempt to call/text/email/write anyone to see how they are doing and what is happening in their life. Which is another way I have been selfish! But also, being intentional in the relationships that don't yet exist. Reaching out to people, connecting with people, building friendships with people.... Since moving back to Chanute, I have really been praying to find a group of friends to get connected with so this whole reaching out/connecting with people is a big thing for me now seeing as how I don't really know many people who are my age here. All of my close friends from high school have moved away! I'll be honest though...this is something I struggle with sometimes. I can be shy when I'm in a room full of people who I don't know. I know....hard to believe, right?! Everybody always says how quiet I was when they first met me and how they worried if I would come out of my shell or not. haha No worries...I do, just give me time! But...I have really come along way! The Lord is definitely helping me with that! But I'm not someone who can walk into a room not knowing anybody and walk out with 8 friends. (I don't know where the number 8 came from!) I need to pray for more courage and boldness I suppose! But also being intentional in the way of showing Christ's love to those that I come into contact with whether I'm at the grocery store, Wal-Mart, the post office, church, or the library. I don't want to be too rushed or too busy to have a conversation with someone, to be a listening ear to somebody needing to talk, to help someone, or to potentially make a new friend.
These are just a few things that the Lord has put on my heart to pray about and focus on this year. I know that life isn't going to come to a halt to let me get caught up and organized and planned out on how I am going to work on/get better/accomplish these things... If only it were that easy.
But honestly, of all these things, I just want more Jesus. And I know I am repeating myself, but that is what it comes down to. More of Jesus. I want to give Him control of how and what I fill my time with. In some ways, I still like to have control and I don't think this is something I have every fully done....giving all of my time to God and say, "Lord, it's yours. What do you want my schedule to look like? What am I supposed to be doing with my time? What things do you want me to fill my time with? What things do I need to change?" Instead I kind of pick and choose what it is that I want to do and don't want to do. But I'm done with that. I want everything that I do to be for HIM (less of me). And that starts by abiding in Him, spending quality time with Him. Having His truth, His words written on my heart (memorizing scripture). I want to live and breathe for Him and Him alone. Everything else is just bonus, the sprinkles and cherry on top.
When I begin doing that, my list of "to-do's" will turn into a list of things that I get to do. Isn't that a wonderful concept? Instead of, oh I have to go do this, and I have to be there for that later, and then after that I have another thing....it can get hectic and exhausting sometimes! But when you are abiding in the Lord and the things you are doing are to further His kingdom, to bring Him glory, it becomes more about Him and less about me. It becomes, I get to do that rather than I have to do that. And that doesn't necessarily mean it won't be hectic and it won't be exhausting, but I will be walking in His strength, His peace, and His joy, not my own.
What is your word for this year? If you don't have one, I encourage you to pray for one! Let this be a year of happiness, growth, and love! :)
Cheers to Twenty Thirteen!
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