School has been a struggle!
Pretty much since I have been in college, school has been hard for me...but not in the way that the material is to difficult. Sure I have taken a few hard classes, but as long as I put in the time I can easily pass and do well. The problem I have is putting in the time.
I know that sounds terrible, and like I am being super lazy. But it's not necessarily that. I have a really hard time being motivated to do my homework and study for tests. I have a hard time caring about school. Again, I know that sounds terrible...but it's the truth.
For a while now, overseas missions has been on my heart. If I could, I would drop out right now and work to save up money and go somewhere. Africa and Central/South America is really on my heart. I remember being at a conference in Tulsa, Oklahoma called Acquire the Fire. I think it was my freshman year of high school but I'm not sure. That is when I first remember hearing about missions. There was a missions agency there talking about different trips they had and all the different places we could go. I think that whether I realized it then or not, God had put missions on my heart. That is also the place where I began my relationship with Christ! Sure I had grown up believing in God, reading my Bible now and then, and going to church every Sunday. But at Acquire the Fire it really clicked with me what it means to be a Christian, and that weekend I fell in love with Jesus. Best moment ever! Anyways....I am getting off topic.
Throughout high school I had yet to leave the country. I had however done different mission trips here in the states and loved it, but my heart was still overseas. And at that point I didn't know where....I just knew I wanted to go somewhere.
College came around, and I was still going to good ol' NCCC. An opportunity finally came! I remember the day Cindy asked me the question, "A group of us are going to Honduras, would you like to come?!" Without any hesitation, "YES, YES, YES!!!!!!" I was so ecstatic. I get excited about a lot of things, but I can't even explain how excited I was about this! So I went...the trip was for 10 days. I feel like I spent most of the trip adjusting to everything....I had barely been out of Kansas at this point let alone leaving the country! But during those 10 days, I fell in love. When it came time to leave, sure I was excited to see my family again, but I really didn't want to leave. And when I got home, I just really wanted to go back.
Years later, I still want to go back. I know that missions is in my future. I'm not sure what exactly that means, whether it will be short trips every so often, or permanently moving over there. Who knows....only the Lord does. But I long for the day when I go back....even if it's not Honduras. I really want to go to Africa as well as Central/South America.
Luckily I am surrounded by people who remind me that God doesn't waste experiences. I need to look at this time in my life as a preparation for what is to come...whatever that may be. And for some reason I am at Washburn getting a business degree. Most times it seems like a waste of my time and money. It keeps me from doing things that I love to do. My heart just isn't in it. As I told my friend, it would be a lot easier to care about what I am doing now if I knew what I was going to be doing after I graduate. But that means I'm not trusting God. He has given me no reason to doubt His plan for me. As I look back, everywhere he has led me so far has been better than I could have ever imagined myself. The people I have met along the way, the experiences I have had, even the hard times....they have all brought me to where I am today.
So I have to trust that God knows what he is doing. I am here right now because that is where He has me. If he called me to go to Africa next week, I would in a heartbeat. But he hasn't. Until he does, I have to keep reminding myself that this is part of his plan for me. This is where he wants me, so I will stay. It's a daily battle and probably will continue to be until the day I graduate. Until then...I will keep reminding myself that God doesn't waste experiences. I am exactly where he wants me to be at this moment. He can use me now....I don't have to be in Africa. Really we are all missionaries. God can and wants to use us now...at work, at school, at baseball practice....wherever you are at in your life He can use us to show His love to those who are around us.
But until then...I have great family and friends to help me get through and have fun along the way! :)
I had dinner and some much needed hang out time with these lovely ladies tonight!
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| Rach and Megh! |
Meghann was literally the first person I met here at Washburn! :) It's a really cool story how God orchestrated the whole thing, but that is a story for another time. But Meghann introduced me to Rach and the three of us hit it off and became good friends. My first year at WU the three of us met up once a week. We read through Isaiah (started anyway, didn't make it all the way through) the first semester, and the second semester we studied Romans! I loved meeting up with them and just talking life, praying together, and reading the Bible together. We also started memorizing scripture together. I love these girls so very much! :) And now...Rachel is married and Meghann will be married in June! Zach and Clark are two very lucky guys! ;)
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
-Proverbs 3:5-6
"Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains."
-Ephesians 6:19
"He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake..."
-Psalm 23:3
"Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long."
-Psalm 25:4-5
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